Viagra/Cialis: Uplifting for the Soul? (Originally posted July 19, 2009)

You know all those Viagra and Cialis advertisements that seem to only play during televised sporting events?  Yeah, the ones where the old horny guys raise their eyebrows at their wrinkly, saggy wives as the ladies take their hands behind a swiftly closing door, TO DO IT?!  Not only are they projecting gross images into your head, but they make it a very harrowing experience watching said sporting events with your mother.  I hate watching them but at the same time I find them oddly heart warming.

It’s very nice to see something produced by American ad executives promoting a healthy relationship between old people where they don’t A) hate one another and pray for their each other’s immediate death or B) stop having sex after gravity takes its toll on them.  In these commercials there’s none of that “trading in for a newer model” bullshit you get from just about every other corner of pop culture.

They also plant the seed in the minds of any unfortunate young viewers watching that it makes sense to think about things before getting married.  “Now, understand, young people grossed out by these old saggy sacks of creamed corn going at it like rabbits, that there’s an upside to getting and staying married,” they’re practically shouting at us.  Do you ever see these geriatrics living in shitty houses?  No, they’re in palatial estates on beaches and have wineries and shit.  Why is this?  It’s because they didn’t get divorced and divide up their finances.  And what’s keeping them in wedded bliss, far past their sell-by dates?  Viagra, Cialis, or any other boner supplements being hawked to the previously un-horny masses.

Of course there’s a personal reason why I think these commercials are very good.  I like sex.  I want to keep having sex with whomever it is I eventually marry.  I don’t want to have any of those awkward moments where Charles (my what’sit) decides to take a nap instead of flexing with all his might to rise to the occasion.  And, based on the statistics the Viagra/Cialis marketing machine keep spouting, it will happen to me one of these days.  Will I use the miracle dick pills?  Hell yes, and I’ll do it with a smile on my face.

So there you have it, folks.  While the Viagra and Cialis ads can not only be annoying and distracting from watching your favorite sports teams, they also give up a few good hidden messages.  The next time one comes on, try not to think of old guy boners but instead, picture a long and happy life.


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